Ambition–what is that?

I have none today, ambition that is. Maybe it’s the weather. Rain has returned to the great Pacific Northwest after a really long dry spell. Looking outside, this is the autumn we know and love here in Washington. Cloudy, gray, rainy drizzle. While not particularly cold it’s just sort of draining.

That’s exactly how I feel today-just drained- with not enough energy to attempt doing anything worthwhile. So I have not done much but sit on my rear-end, nap, look at some old pictures of life events, and blog a bit. Twice I have attempted to start some homework and twice I have quickly put it all aside. I can’t get the energy up to write about attitudes and emotion work when right now I feel like I have neither.

My text used the term malaise in a recent chapter. In that reference it was referring to living conditions in rural versus urbanized areas as they apply to social issues. Malaise is the perfect word for today and my being: a psychological state of unhappiness. Although I don’t feel unhappy, I do feel blah so maybe I can stretch the definition a bit. Blah must be close to unhappy don’t you think?

I think part of my malaise is due to some familial concerns that I have little control over but wish that I could influence in a positive way. It’s difficult to see a situation and have no ability to do much about it when your head is screaming out directions and emotions and suggestions right and left. I simply have to hope that the right and best decisions will be made.

I have also spent some time in the last few days trying to make some decisions about school. Minor things like do I take a class just to get it done even though I think I will have issues with the professor or do I wait for a professor that I anticipate clicking with but which means I put off a class and the degree for longer? I opted for the wait-for-the-hopefully-better-fit-professor over the let’s-just-get-this-done route. I realized that I don’t have to finish this degree by any imminent deadline and I would rather get all that I can out of the courses I am taking. If that means waiting and/or giving myself a month or two between classes then that’s what I will do. With that comes the need to drop a few core classes for now, add a few electives that I was going to take later and basically just rearrange the order of progression. That decision means that I will start my first 400 level class in just about two weeks. This was a class that I figured I would take just before my senior seminar. It is focused on gender and society, which I’m really interested in. I hope it was a good decision on my part and only time will tell. Fortunately, I don’t have any other classes going at the same time and with holiday time coming up my work schedule will have some openings giving me (hopefully) time to devote to the work I expect to be associated with this class.

I am patting myself on the back as I did not even consider moving my Statistics class until later. This is the one class that I don’t look forward to but I’m keeping that promise to myself that it was not going to be my last class before seminar. Yeah me!

Well, not surprising but just spending a few moments here on the blog has raised my spirits a bit. I just heard from the TV in the other room that the local football team has pulled out a win-Yeah Seattle!

Maybe I can tackle that homework in a bit. We’ll see and if not it will be there tomorrow along with the rain.


5 thoughts on “Ambition–what is that?”

  1. Donuts 🙂 and strolling- a lovely combo. I will anxiously await your future thoughts on ancient Greek social order and gender as somehow you always manage to post timely and relevant topics that ironically coincide with my studies.


  2. I look forward to your musings on gender and society! And I share your lack of motivation today – although it was a gorgeous warm sunny fall day here, so my laziness was put to pleasant use strolling around the city and eating donuts 😉


    1. Maybe it’s some sort of universal yucky day as far as attitude and emotion goes… at least you are getting out, I couldn’t even muster the enthusiasm to do that today.


      1. Only cos I had no choice Debbie x
        When I woke up this morning I thought how nice it’d be to be on my own with absolutely nothing to do 🙂


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