Impacted

I haven’t used that word in about 4 years. It was an everyday word in my vocabulary when I was still a surgical assistant at the oral surgery office. We lived and breathed impacted 3rd molars (wisdom teeth) that showed up in places they shouldn’t, or were spectacularly oddly shaped, or even came with extra little mirror images. I think that I had a patient once who actually had 9 wisdom teeth. Yes, I said Nine. Supernumerary they would be called, along with a rather large cyst in the mandible. But, I digress – although I haven’t had the opportunity for dental speak in some time and it’s nice to toss about those words again – this post focuses on another sort of impaction that I came across this morning.

A word of warning – I will attempt to be as tender as I am able as I move forward, however – this post could definitely win the TMI award, if there was such a thing.

Also, my medical background is limited so what I am about to tell you in the next paragraph is only speculation. I’ve started an IV once. I’ve helped to open airways and bag ventilate patients. I’ve even filled syringes with some pretty hardcore hallucinogenic and narcotic drugs. I know my way well around CPR and an AED. I’ve cleaned up puke and slapped O2 masks and BP cuffs onto arms and faces in record time. That is my limit to any sort of real medical expertise.

This morning, ( and I so apologize now – and if you have a weak stomach – STOP reading) I believe I performed my first (and definitely only) digital disimpaction of feces.

Physicians and nurses reading this – please trust me to be clear. This fecal impaction was not found in a human. I did not undertake this task (and yes I was gloved) on anything living or breathing or that had ever been alive.

In simple terms, a toilet in my house (we have 3) was clogged. I did not know that this toilet was clogged. The toilet in question is one that I do not use anymore. I relocated much of my living space to the areas upstairs after Alison moved out. I almost always use the bathroom upstairs now. The details behind that move/adjustment follow in line with some recent posts on changes, moving forward, and the like. The hows and whys of that change are for a different post entirely.

I did find myself near the offending toilet though, for other reasons, and as I had downed a cup of coffee earlier, my bladder was calling out. I cannot describe the panic after I pushed the handle and watched the water rise…almost to the top…then slowly – so very slowly – begin to drain – but not enough.

I’ve been alive long enough to have encountered clogged plumbing before so I felt pretty confident that this might be a case of overuse of paper. As much as I wanted to simply close the lid and the door and tell the offender that he had a job waiting for him when he arrived home I stupidly bravely jumped into action.

I would so love to share with everyone the scenes that followed over the next 30 minutes. I will not though. I will simply redirect you to this line:

I believe I performed my first digital disimpaction of feces.

We have a plunger, which was used. Luckily I remembered not to hover over the bowl as I was plunging. There were tongs involved as well, and lots of rags. All of which are now in the garbage can. The plunger was effective to a certain extent, but… well I will just refer you to that statement from above again.

I will close by saying – the toilet flushes freely now.

Have a lovely day.

Oh, and aren’t you glad I didn’t include pictures…

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