Happy Father’s Day

26

This picture was taken on April 30th, 1983. My wedding day. Even though so many changes are imminent when it comes to the marriage aspect of this photo it brings a smile to my face every time I see it.

I cannot tell you how much this moment meant, this walk with my dad, who had gone through so much himself over the years. I give him full credit for the strength I have to move forward each day. I wish that I could spend this day with him, but he’s been gone for over 20 years.

I love you dad.

So, this happened today…

Dear Deborah

I am pleased to confirm our offer of employment as a part time Newborn Hearing Screener reporting to Lxxxx Wxxxxxxx. The specifics of our offer are outlined below:

• Hourly rate of pay of $a bazillion dollars to be paid on a bi-weekly basis, every other Friday.  ***So perhaps I have chosen to exaggerate the hourly rate just a bit***

Your offer to join MEDNAX Services, Inc. and your participation in the Newborn Hearing
Screen Program is contingent upon maintaining the following requirements:

• Certification in Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation within your first 30 days of employment, followed by continued recertification.
• Medically cleared testing for tuberculosis prior to beginning employment, followed by
annual testing.
• Providing us with proof of your identity and work authorization (as required by the
Immigration Reform & Control Act of 1986).
• Successful completion of background.

So, it looks as if I have managed to jump over one small hurdle and secure some extra income that will (I hope) add to my credibility as a worthwhile rental risk. Now I can wave not only my divorce decree and pension funds and my gift income from caring for the granddaughters, but also an actual employment offer letter, in the faces of those naysayer leasing agents.

This position is the same one that I held just prior to the time I started looking after Miss G. This time I am with a different medical facility, one that I learned just today has the second most stringent policies regarding new hires in the whole United States. I have been assured that if I am lucky I may be ready to secure an ID badge and actually begin my job in about 8 weeks. The process, I am told, has been so overwhelming for some, that they quit before they even get started. I’m okay with the wait. The delay gives me time to process all this divorce stuff and retrain my perspective on what constitutes a “normal” work week. I will still be with Miss G and Miss C 3 days per week. This new job is a weekend position, so I now have to get used to the fact that my days off will come during the week, and that they won’t be back to back.

I really loved this job the last time around. This time I have even more autonomy as the the satellite facility I will be working in runs their program somewhat differently than I encountered before. I won’t be sharing a split shift, but I will be learning all about electronic health records (EHR). We did everything on paper 4 years ago. All you EPIC user’s out there, soon I will truly understand some of the headaches you write about in your blogs.

Anyway, just had to share. It’s great to finally have some good news to put on this blog.

 

SOLD!

Our house went on the market Wednesday. We accepted an offer Thursday night. The new owners (barring unforeseen issues) will take possession on July 11.

We moved into this house 24 1/2 years ago. Pregnant with my third baby, it was November, and I vaguely remember the rush to get things in some sort of order before the holidays. I don’t remember very much of the actual process of selling our first home and buying this one, but sometimes I can’t remember what happened 24 hours ago, let alone 24 years ago.

I’m grateful that things went quickly. I didn’t enjoy the phones calls for showings, the need to do multiple spot checks to ensure the rooms were always staged and ready, or the need to remember to turn on every single light in the house to provide that sunny, warm, homey feeling. I wasn’t very good at being polite after making myself scarce for what seemed like an appropriate amount of time only to arrive back home to find an agent and client who were supposed to show up at 3:00 pm, or at 6:00 pm still inside because someone was late, or had the time wrong entirely.

I am pleased with the final agreed upon selling price. We definitely benefited from the fact that the neighbor down the street sold his home for more than his original asking price. That gave us the impetus to price ours a bit higher to start with.

July isn’t far away. So much of the final work with this home will coincide with all the final aspects of my divorce so I feel as if much of life will be a blur for some time. Being the person that I am, I know clearly that I will be on edge until this is all over.

As I sit here now, writing this post and looking around at the freshly painted walls, the familiar scenes outside my windows, the sad and overused furniture, there are memories that come back to me. Most of them involve my kids. I wonder what I will remember of this process 24 years from now. I will be about 82 years old so I doubt any memories I may have will be very clear.

Better, I think, to get started on making some new memories.

Whirlwind

For some time there’s been nothing much to tell. Plodding along each day, waiting. Then, with one phone call, one meeting, the wheels begin to move, things start to take shape, and the to-do list is seeing more checks than empty boxes.

I hesitate to go backwards here, with my words. The working relationship between myself and my soon to be ex-spouse has been congenial. We have a shared goal now, one that ironically has made even simple conversation easier to come by. I have witnessed a willingness in him that previously was buried under mountains of obstinate refusal. One thing that has not changed however, is the very way we approach the getting things done part of all this. Simply put, we live on opposite ends of the spectrum in that arena.

Saying “I told you so” is counterproductive, but with all the good happening, I fully admit that lurking underneath any positivity, those words were ready and waiting to bubble to the surface. They have, but quietly and directed more to myself as an affirmation that, while outwardly some things can appear to change, the core of who a person is stays steadfast and real.

Being trapped in the immovable  sludge of “let him do it his way” was killing me and so, (here’s the I-told-you-so part) I jumped in, took responsibility once again, and within the past week we have a listing agent, a newly painted interior to our home, clean vinyl siding and deck, and are now only waiting on some landscape bark. Do I want to point out that I have been waiting for all this to happen since… oh- April 1st? I do, but pretend that I didn’t just write that, because you know- positive thoughts and shared goals, right.

My now very real expectation is that this home can finally be listed for sale within the next 7 to 10 days. Our agent is out of town (with my blessing) for vacation, but upon her return we will be ready for pictures, signage, marketing, and offers, offers, offers. I think that I mentioned the house two doors down in a previous post, the one that was listed well above what I thought might apply to our home. I just found out yesterday that it sold (less than 24 hours after listing) for almost $15,000 over asking price!

Real estate is crazy here- too many buyers and too little availability of homes on the market. Fingers and toes crossed that this means an upcoming happy dance for us.

happy-dance-animated-gif-image-46-2

 

Busy work

Don’t know that I have all that much to report, but I’m enjoying my morning coffee, on this, an extra day off, and it just seemed like an appropriate time to see what might appear on this screen.

The sun is out, and our weather folk say we might see 70 degrees by Thursday. The sun inspires me to do stuff, and so I’ve been trying to do stuff, mostly just to keep busy and avoid counting every second of this wait-to-be-divorced few months.

So, the major weeds have been pulled, and the tiny weeds have been sprayed. Bark mulch will come at some point because it’s always easier to cover up than put my joints through hell trying to pull every last offending, unwanted foreign invader.

Still we wait on painting. One bid was way more than we intend to spend. We wait on a return phone call from another painter. At the rate things are going, my spouse may be painting these rooms himself. He hates to paint. I am steering clear of the whole thing.

My latest project is cleaning up the rooms that aren’t going to be painted- tackling cobwebs and dust, wiping down doors, just generally trying to make the spaces appear as if they aren’t 25 years old. Today I’m going to start on the under-sink areas. They’re pretty well cleaned out of stuff, but they do look somewhat beaten up and used. The white paint has seen better days, so my answer is to place some of that non-adhesive, grippy shelf-liner stuff down to mask the major scratches and marred areas. mN8slVTn04gwEXAITyd17ag

I purchased a few new entry rugs, and some pillows for the horrid gold couch that my spouse wants to keep and take with him. Of course, those things are waiting until the painting is done.

Time to get busy I suppose.

Oh, and on a bright note- one of my favorite spring activities is happening this coming weekend. The local Historic Homes Tour is back! Alison and I have gone for the last few years and we almost thought we missed it this year. It is supposed to be sunny and mild this Sunday so I think that will be our day to walk, tour, and dream of life in one of these homes. This year apparently they are huge homes, some well over 4000+ square feet. Unfortunately no pictures with that link, just descriptions.

I can hardly wait…

 

Where to begin…

How about this:

If everything continues on the path that my feet have been walking over the last month or so I believe that I will officially be a single woman by August.

I need to say that again.

I have every hope, barring any unforeseen disasters, that my divorce will be complete before the summer is over.

I move ahead each day now with that goal, that magical final end in my sights, and it is amazing how that knowledge has changed my outlook about so many things.

For so long I dreaded the telling, ran from the conversation that had to happen between my spouse and myself. When the day came, and his reaction was clean and simple and as straightforward as one could wish for, I saw the tightly closed door finally begin to open.

When, after just a few short and specific conversations, we had agreed to every aspect of ending our marriage, the door opened a bit more.

There have been hiccups, because life and dreams and goals don’t always happen in a straight, uninterrupted line, but the irony of those hiccups is that they have been caused by others. My husband and I both see a clear road out of this marriage and we both have the same goal.

Our agreement and movement and determination aren’t really a surprise. I know that he was miserable. I also know that, while I spent 34 years attempting to disregard the clear knowledge that we are two totally different people, he can’t be characterized as a monster. Irony shows me that it is possible, when we find a topic that we both agree on, that we can actually move forward and get the job done. Irony is also trying very hard not to push the fact that the agreeable topic turns out to be ending our marriage…

While there’s a good deal more to tell, I will save some of the stories for another time.

It just seemed important to say (write) these words, to acknowledge this fact, and to watch the door swing wider each day.