I know this is unheard of- 2 posts in 2 days. This is unlikely to happen on a regular basis.

I texted a Happy Birthday message to my youngest this morning. She turns 31 today. Officially not until later this afternoon, but we’ll ignore that detail. All of my kids are now in their 30’s. That’s  odd isn’t it- to use the word kids and 30’s in the same sentence. They aren’t kids in any way but “adult children” sounds way too formal and stuffy and proper.

I almost always take some time on each of their birthdays to remember those momentous events surrounding their births. I think mom’s remember the hours and days leading up to a childs birth vividly. I know that I do. I can remember each one as if it happened yesterday.

That assumption has made me wonder a bit about what dads feel and remember and mark about their childrens birth days.

*Small rant upcoming* I’m not going down a gendered path here. I think a dad can feel just as much or even more deeply about the day their child is born. I don’t go in for the notion that sex and gender correlate just to be clear. Gender is a construct and a poor one at that. *End of rant*

I have made assumptions over the years about what my ex felt as he watched each of his children being born. I had to do this because he has never shared verbally what he thought or felt in those moments. I’m really interested however, so this post is an open invitation to any mom and any dad who would like to share anything that seems important to you about the day your child/children were born or came into your life. I really am curious as to what stands out and why.

I’ll start with a small highlight from each day even though there are so many…

Birth #1 1985: Hardest-delivering my first child in a military hospital. Amazing-the moment that child was placed in my arms and when I spoke to her she turned her head to find my voice.

Birth #2 1988: Hardest- delivering once more in a military hospital (yet this time I had a doctor I trusted). Amazing (and hilarious)- getting my bed and myself  peed on because I forgot the warning to keep boys “covered” at all times.

Birth #3 1993: Hardest- almost having to face a possible C-section but avoiding that thanks to my midwife and her advocacy. Amazing- having this child at home with her older brother and sister present to witness her arrival.

Finally, and I know this for sure, no matter how hard or how amazing each birth day was I have the best Cara, Jeff and Alison ever.

47 thoughts on “What a Mom Remembers”

  1. A belate Happy 31st Birthday to your daughter, Deb. I really enjoyed reading this post. As a mom, I clearly remember the birth of my three daughters, each time a different experience. I was in labor for 36 hours with the first. The second came so quickly that the paramedics only just got me to the hospital in time. The third birth was thankfully less traumatic but equally exciting.

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    1. Oh Sue, thank you for the birthday wishes! I think she is adjusting to now being in the over 30 phase of life although I know and remember what that felt like when you realize adulthood is really sitting with you 🙂

      Love that you shared your stories as well. I see patterns when I hear of or read of birth stories- things like the first needing to take time, mom’s body needing to grow into the process and then the 2nd is over in a flash as if there is no need to wait around at that point. Then there are those of us who have a third and somehow (at least for me) I feel like I finally had it figured out 😉

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  2. It’s a good question about what dads remember. My children’s dad wasn’t there for either birth. The Red Cross sent him home to us when my first was born. Full term and passed his due date, 56 years ago, labor was induced. Turns out he wasn’t fully cooked. Lungs were not done and I didn’t get to see or hold him for 10 days while they worked to save his life. I won my FIL’s respect during that ordeal. I still call them kids too. My youngest is 51 in another week. Her dad was at work, my mother watching my son. The pain from the tubal ligation made holding her difficult so bonding took time. I was put to sleep prior to each birth, unconscious at the actual birth. But like you, the hard part was worth it. I have 2 of the best kids in the world and I am so grateful for them. You are right. You remember it like it was just yesterday.

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    1. I think moms simply have the power to find all the good parts, even when they may be few and far between. The hard stuff just doesn’t matter at much when you finally get to hold your child. Thanks for sharing your memories Marlene 🙂

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  5. Being childfree I have no personal anecdotes to add to this post, but I have enjoyed reading about your experiences and what other commenters have had to say. 

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    1. Thanks Wynne! She chose an Asian Fusion tea room/restaurant in Denver for her Bday dinner and I’ll have my regular chat with her later today to find out how it went and what she ordered. The menu sounded amazing 🙂

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  7. I remember so many tiny details of Rusty’s and Audrey’s births. Spending an uncomfortable night on a couch in the hospital room but not giving a damn because of the pure joy in being a dad for the first time. The next morning, navigating the Sunset Highway on the way to our Beaverton apartment as “Freebird” played on the classic rock station. Or the night before my daughter’s birth, how my FIL at the time was visiting, and we watched “For Love of the Game” with Kevin Costner. And then cutting the umbilical cord at 5:33 p.m. because I hadn’t had the opportunity to do so the first time around, only to have blood spurt everywhere.

    Dads remember, too!

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    1. Of course dad’s remember! I just really wondered if they remember in the same way and what stands out for them. I’d say Freebird is perfect and if your son doesn’t know the story he should and should have the song on repeat always.

      On a side note, mostly because you don’t necessarily mention your kids often… the names…I literally just got the connection even though I’m sure you’ve used their “names” in posts I’ve read? I have to ask- actual names or just channeling the Griswolds for the sake of privacy?

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  8. You’re reflecting, aren’t you? Interesting posts, both of them. I like to think I recently turned 60 and it seems my mind is reluctant to add another year. Can’t really help it though.

    Birth stories. I don’t remember hearing much about my brothers’ birth stories and to be honest, some of the stories don’t make much sense. But I was born on January 1st though the story of my birth started roughly 4 days before that. My dad enjoyed telling the story as he had a big role in it and claims he didn’t get any sleep for those 4 days.

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    1. Reflecting…yes just a bit. The kids birthdays usually bring up some lovely memories and this one just happened to coincide with the whole SS thing. That one (SS) brings more frustration to mind than reflection however as I think the entire system needs to be restructured in some way- although that doesn’t mean I will refuse my benefits 😉
      The Medicare side of things is horrendous in my opinion, should be tossed and a fresh plan grown.

      A true New Year baby- how fun to have that distinction but 4 days for mom, yikes! Is there irony in your dad taking ownership of those 4 long days and his part in all of it? I hope he gave your mom some credit as well 🙂

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      1. Sad as it may be, Medicare is the best insurance I’ve ever had. It needs work and these advantage programs, etc., do not make it easier. All insurance is in need of restructuring.

        I believe that Mom slept between trips to the hospital and Dad was taking care of the boys and house. As the story is told, every time he tried to sleep the contractions got going again. This was also holiday season in Michigan so in the final act he was driving mom to the hospital in a blizzard going 120 mph (surely not!). Mom did tell the story a bit differently 🙂 Oh, and btw, he complained about how I was 6 hours and 58 minutes too late to be a tax deduction that year.

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        1. I think that Medicare has it’s upside, but in my case, and I am incredibly thankful btw, the cost is going to take a larger chunk from my SS than I like and the coverage really isn’t needed at this point but everywhere I look I am being bombarded with warnings about penalties and lifetime fees if I don’t sign up at 65. That is the part that I would change if I was in charge 🙂

          No surprise that the story of your birth has some variance in perspective and how dare you not be born at 11:59 on Dec 31st so dad could have that deduction!

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  10. I have no children, and of course I don’t remember my own birth very well…but I do recall my amazement when I came home from school one day to find my cat giving birth to kittens on my bed. That was the birthing event I’ll never, ever forget. A very happy birthday to your youngest, Deb!

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  14. Happy Birthday to Alison! It’s hard to believe that my older daughter is pushing 40. How did I get so old? My husband didn’t talk much about the births of our daughters; he didn’t want to be in the delivery room, but I forced him to be there. He would have preferred to be the old-school dad who hung out in the waiting room. He did think that each one of them was a marvel and although he wasn’t great with babies, he was much better when they got older.

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  16. I’ll take a stab at it. We have 4 beautiful awesome “kids” as well. The oldest will turn 44 this June, boy does that seem surreal, especially since I’m only 37, Several different memories, first one comes to mind, is the powerful effect the nurses had on our first birth…(one scary, the 2nd, can’t say enough good about her. (The 2nd nurse’s name was Norma. Will never forget her name. She came on duty in the morning. Our overnight nurse, can’t remember her name, just her bedside manner. Found out later she also worked nights @ a local penitentiary . She had to be 6 ft 3 inches (or bigger/ blank look on her face. Never cracked a smile…not a good experience. We attended Lamaze classes before all 4 births so I was all in, wanting to help M any way I could. I changed the “chucks” (I believe that’s what they called the padding on the birthing bed…) several times over the night watch. M had terrible back labor, ended up needing forceps to help with the delivery. Found out, after our eldest was out of the birth channel, her umbilical chord was wrapped around her neck. Could have easily lost her. This was back in 1980. Didnt have the monitoring stuff they have today. I am So, so, glad that season of my life is over. Thanks for asking.

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    2. Oh Doug, thank you for sharing. I love this dad’s perspective and I wish more men would consider sharing their stories, especially with their kids. You had me laughing out loud-if you’re only 37 then I get to be 25 🙂

      A good nurse can mean so much during labor. Like you and M, I encountered amazing ones, and then those that weren’t. I was so fortunate to work with so many great labor nurses over the years too. You get extra points for stepping up to keep M comfortable and even more extra points for knowing all about chucks. I have no doubt though that you not only gave great labor support but that you also are a pretty top notch dad.

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  17. Thank you for your invitation, Deb. I will say this about the birth of my firstborn. My wife’s water broke at around 2am and she was in labor until after 9pm. I was in the room with her all the way along, helping her breathe and encouraging her.

    The birth of our new baby was a moving experience beyond words. When I drove the long distance back home, I got to work at something I’d planned beforehand: to speak into a cassette tape recorder and describe everything I could remember about the entire day of her birth, including the tv programs and sporting events of the day before, the lack of progress of the delivery, and finally her arrival. I did this as my voice broke over and over. It was the most spiritual experience of a full lifetime.

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    1. Oh Dr. Stein, that brings tears to my eyes. How lovely and what a wonderful memory to be able to share. I am in awe that you planned to record your feelings and thoughts even before your daughter arrived. I think you might have been a man before his time in considering how important and special that action would be for the future and for your relationship. Thank you for sharing this.

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      1. It was an overwhelming moment when I arrived home and all the emotion found its way into the microphone. I gave each of my daughters a similar cassette when they reached 21. I am glad you were touched.

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    1. LOL! Oh Jan, that’s hilarious. I think, but honestly I’m not sure, that you might have left a comment or two in the past. I am very much more a reader and at best a sporadic writer so you had a challenge to begin with. Glad to have you onboard anytime you want to stop by and read 🙂

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  19. Happy birthday to your youngest, Deb. My memories of the birth of my daughters is they were both in a hurry, but in different ways. My older daughter arrived a month early. I was 2 hours away from home when my water broke. With my younger daughter, I barely made it to the hospital. She was born 20 minutes after I walked in the door of the hospital.

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    1. Thanks Michelle! Sounds like your girls were determined from the start 🙂 Two months is really early and I am happy that everything worked out well. Then you get the complete opposite with #2. I think it would have been a bit easier on mom had they coordinated their arrives to be a bit more predictable 😉

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  20. Happy birthday to your youngest, Deb. You’re so right, we never forget the moments leading up to and during our kids’ births. And my younger is closing in on his big 5-0!!

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